TNA Impact Report – 4/26/16
Tyrus is in the ring with Spud as the show starts, and he says Drew Galloway’s time is up. He also knows that, being the man of his word Drew is, it’s time for him to come out for the coronation of the new World Champion.
TNA World Title Match: Drew Galloway vs Tyrus
Drew unloads on Tyrus as soon as the bell rings, but Tyrus with a quick jab to the ribs and he dumps the champion to the floor where Spud attacks him behind the referee’s back. Tyrus comes out to the floor and Drew rams him into the ringpost, then plows him into the guardrail and then starts chasing Spud. That gives Tyrus an opening to pop up and suplex Drew on the floor. Tyrus rolls Drew into the ring and covers for 2, then presses all his weight into Drew’s ribs. Tyrus continues working Drew’s ribs over with a series of power and girth-based offensive moves, plants Drew with a bodybag, then just stands on Drew’s chest. Tyrus goes for a Vader Bomb, but Drew rolls out of the way. Tyrus tries an avalanche in the corner, but Drew moves out of the way again and starts unloading on Tyrus with right hands. Drew comes off the top with a flying forearm that drops the big man, and he sets up for the Claymore. Spud gets on the apron to distract the referee, Tyrus gets the belt and tries to nail Drew with it, but Drew ducks the swing and gives Tyrus a codebreaker on the belt. Now Drew drags Spud into the ring and nearly launches him into the next ZIP code with an overhead release suplex. Drew with a jawbreaker and the Claymore kick on Tyrus, but only gets a 2. Tyrus turns the table with a shot to the ribs and a front powerslam, then Tyrus goes to the top rope and…takes too long, allowing Drew to get up, nail Tyrus, and superplex him. Drew drapes an arm across Tyrus’ chest, but only gets 2. Drew and Tyrus are trading shots on their knees, Drew gets the better of it, hits the Future Shock DDT, and covers Tyrus for the win.
Winner: Drew Galloway
Great match, probably the best Tyrus match I’ve ever seen. Good big man vs bigger man match.
We see a video package looking back at last week’s Matt Hardy vs Jeff Hardy match and the insane, inconclusive finish.
Ethan Carter III and Mike Bennett are backstage warming up for tonight’s main event. In the meantime, Maria is talking to herself in the mirror about her vision for the Knockouts Division. She wants everyone to pull up a chair because her reign begins tonight and nobody is going to stop her, not even Gail Kim.
Beer Money is backstage getting ready for their title defense and trying to figure out what’s going on in Decay’s minds. They know they’re in for violence tonight, but the title means everything to them, and nobody is taking it from them.
Maria is in the ring gloating about taking control of the Knockouts Division. It’s time for a Knockouts revolution, and she’s going to remake the division in her own image. Gail Kim interrupts her to express disgust over Maria winding up in charge of what she built, but Maria says nobody cares about Gail or the Knockouts. Gail accuses Maria of having her kidnapped and tortured and threatens to kick her head in, but Maria says she won’t because she has the power now and can take everything away from her. She’s still going to let Gail wrestle in HER Knockouts Division, and she’ll book her to wrestle Rosemary right now.
Gail Kim vs Rosemary
Gail goes after Rosemary with a fury, destroying her like she was posting nasty comments about Gail on Facebook. Maria distracts Gail and gives Rosemary an opening to ram Gail into the post, then they head back inside where Rosemary hammers forearms into Gail’s sternum before covering for 2. Rosemary with a t-bone suplex and covers for 2, then traps Gail in a leg nelson. Rosemary rolls Gail into a pinning combination, but Gail reverses to a surfboard and then gets a rolling leg cradle of her own for 2. Gail starts to mount a comeback, but Rosemary gets a headscossirs on Gail and drapes backward over the top rope to choke Gail. Rosemary and Crazzzzzzzzzy Steve take too long making faces at each other and give Gailan opening to drill Rosemary with a charging baseball slide to the face, then puts her in a ringpost figure four. They head back into the ring where Gail hammers Rosemary with kicks to the chest, then comes off the top rope with a crossbody for 2. Rosemary goes for a fireman’s carry, Gail reverses to a deathdrop and makes a cover, and Crazzzzzzzzzzzzy Steve drags her out to the floor at 2. Gail slaps the tar out of Steve, then goes after Maria when she gets up on the ring apron, but she turns around into a faceful of mist from Rosemary. Rosemary hits an F5 and covers Gail for the win.
Good match, and I have to say that Rosemary showed remarkable technical wrestling ability for a decomposing zombie. Maria is at the top of the ramp looking really satisfied with herself.
Eli Drake is backstage leting us know that his new, dummy-exposing segment Fact Of Life is coming up after this commercial break.
Jeff Hardy is backstage, and he’s…HOBBLING!
Back out to the ring where Eli Drake, in his sleeveless shirt and tie, is standing at his Fact Of Life podium. The world is filled with dummies, he points out a bunch in the crowd and then reveals a big red button on his podium that yells “DUMMY!” while a picture of his head pops out of it. He thinks Jeff Hardy is a dummy for doing what he did last week to prove how extreme he is. Drew Galloway is also a dummy for defending his title when he was so badly hurt. Now he’ll introduce the first two dummies on his show: the Bromans. The Bromans come out in glasses and realize that Eli Drake is calling them dummies. Eli says they’re dummies for wearing glasses with no glass. Jessie had it made riding on Eli’s back, but he threw it away to hang out with a guy from the Toilet Bowl State. Eli keeps hitting that dummy button, and warns the Bromans not to. This is really, really bad. Jessie points out that Eli couldn’t even beat Grado. Eli keeps hitting this button over and over and I’m ready to change the channel. Finally a brawl breaks out and Eli gets his ass kicked by the both of them. Jessie says Eli is the only dummy here, and he hits the dummy button for good measure. This was absolutely terrible, and I thought Ken Kennedy’s talk show segment sucked.
Decay is backstage, and tonight in Monster’s Ball, they drag Beer Money into the Valley of Shadows, where nobody ever leaves quite the same. I wonder if that’s anywhere near the Dungeon of Doom? Abyss says that they will establish their immortality tonight and further the DecayDecayDecay.
EC3 says that he’s not here to talk about Sacrifice, he’s here to show it. He hasn’t been pinned or submitted for 30 months, but he desires perfection, and he starts by seeking revenge against Mike Bennett. He knows what Bennett’s deal is, but TNA is a church where he doesn’t get pinned or submit, and in this church, there will be no mercy.
Valley Of The Shadows/TNA World Tag Team Title Match: Beer Money vs Decay
Beer Money rushes down the aisle and they start brawling on the floor. The lights are lowered since we’re in the Valley Of The Shadows and all, but Beer Money can still see well enough to take Steve into the ring and beat the crap out of him. Decay drags Beer Money back out to the floor, and the brawl is back on. Storm tries to give Steve the Eye of the Storm through a table, but Steve gets away and Abyss blindsides Storm. Abyss starts throwing weapons into the ring, and he and Steve use cookie tins, kendo sticks, and trash can lids to work Beer Money over. Decay sets a chair up in the corner and rams Roode into it, then they go for a rocket launcher onto Storm, but Storm grabs a chair and tosses it into Steve’s face as he comes down. Now Beer Money mounts a comeback with their usual double teams, and Storm hits a top rope elbowdrop as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and Abyss has the barbed wire board in the ring. Storm saves Roode from a chokeslam onto it, and they double suplex Steve onto the board instead. Abyss double clotheslines Beer Money, then dumps a bag full of thumbtacks in one corner and hits Roode with a Black Hole Slam for 2. Abyss holds Roode for a misting from Rosemary, but Roode moves and Rosemary mists Abyss. Storm gets a mouthful of beer and mists Rosemary with it, then smashes a beer bottle over Abyss’ head and covers for 2. Abyss goes to the floor and Storm goes to the top for a dive, but Steve shoves him off the top rope and sends him crashing through a table at ringside. Roode goes for a Roode Bomb on Steve, but Rosemary comes from behind and punches him in the ding ding, and then Abyss chokeslams Roode onto the thumbtacks. Both Abyss & Steve cover Roode, and we have new champions.
Winners and NEW World Tag Team Champions: Decay
That was one nasty brawl, and one hell of a bump for Roode to go out on.
We look back at last week’s violent breakup of Eric Young and Bram, then we go backstage where Bram says he’s pretty pissed off, but he couldn’t give two craps about this if it weren’t for Young’s blatant disrespect by kicking him in the balls. This stops tonight because Bram is taking his title away, and he is going to END HIM.
Mike Bennett says he promised to change TNA and that he has the ability to do so, but everything fell apart for Ethan Carter III from that very moment. All EC3 has left is his streak of never being pinned or submitted, but nobody’s ever beaten Bennett either, so it doesn’t matter how he beats EC3, all that matters is that he will and EC3 will realize that Bennett has taken everything.
King Of The Mountain Title Match: Eric Young vs Bram
Eric Young cuts his usual tired promo before the match, then Bram runs into the ring and they start trading shots right away. Bram gets the advantage, hitting a big backdrop and covering for 2. They go to the apron where Young gouges Bram’s eyes, then gets a trash can lid from under the ring. Bram gets ahold of it and chases Young into the ring where Young kicks Bram in the ding ding again, then uses the trash can lid to hammer Bram in the head. Young gives Bram his own implant DDT onto the trash can lid for 2, then he sets a table up at ringside, goes back in the ring, cracks Bram in the head with the trash can lid, and covers for 2. Young with a dragon sleeper on Bram, but Bram gets out and mounts a comeback. He wraps the trash can lid around Young’s head a few times, then powerbombs him for 2. They head to the top and Young hits a super gourdbuster, then comes off the top with an elbowdrop for 2. They go to the apron where Young tries to piledriver Bram through the table, but Bram low blows Young and gives him the implant DDT through the table. Bram covers on the floor and gets the win.
Winner and NEW King Of The Mountain Champion: Bram
Another great brawl, and it’s so long Eric Young.
Jeff Hardy is backstage, and he’s…STILL HOBBLING! We’ll hear from him later tonight!
Drew Galloway is backstage and says he doesn’t feel great, and the TNA World Title puts a bullseye on his back. He knew that was going to happen because it comes with the territory, and he hasn’t forgotten about Bobby Lashley, who claims to be a tough guy, but is nowhere to be seen. Drew dares Lashley to confront him in the ring next week.
Jeff Hardy comes out to the ring and says he wasn’t sure whether he should put his body at risk last week, but then he decided he should because he’s Jeff Hardy. It drives him nuts what the TNA World Title did to Matt, so hopefully he knocked some sense into Big Money Matt and gave him a wakeup call. Matt wanted him to stop being a Hardy, but Jeff Hardy will never stop being Jeff Hardy. Reby Sky comes out with Spud in tow to inform Jeff of how much she hates him. Spud asks Jeff if he knows what he’s done, and says that unlike Jeff, he represents the Hardy family, and Jeff is just selfish. He takes risks for himself and the fans, not his family, and for what he’s done to Matt and the Brand, Jeff is going to pay. Reby says she’s sick just standing next to him because all Jeff had to do was walk into this ring and say he quits. Matt made him a star, his CREATURES cheer for Jeff Hardy because of Matt Hardy, and there would be no Hardys if it weren’t for Matt Hardy, his brother, and after what he did, Matt is different. He’s quiet, cold, and won’t even talk to Reby anymore, and the hate in his eyes scares me, and now Jeff has to deal with a Matt Hardy that he created. Reby slaps Jeff a couple of times, but Jeff catches her arm on the third shot and shoves her away. Spud clips Jeff’s bad leg, yells that this is for Matt, and is promptly laid out with a Twist of Fate. Reby glares holes through Jeff’s head as he staggers to the back.
Ethan Carter III and Mike Bennett are backstage, and they’re…WALKING! The main event is up next!
We’re back, and it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!
No DQ/No Countout: Mike Bennett vs Ethan Carter III
They do some quick brawling at the beginning, then Bennett gets a chair and charges at EC3 and is backdropped over the top to the floor. EC3 goes out after Bennett and rams him into the guardrail, then proceeds to beat him up all around ringside. Back in the ring where EC3 hits a falcon arrow suplex for 2. Bennett goes to the eyes, hits a corner clothesline, a second attempt runs into EC3’s boot, EC3 tries and misses a Stinger splash, then Bennett rams EC3’s shoulder into the ringpost and sends him tumbling to the floor. Bennett goes out after him, and this time he is the one running EC3 into the barricade. They go back inside where Bennett covers EC3 for 2 and then goes to a double top wristlock. EC3 mounts a comeback and hits a Stinger splash, flapjacks Bennett, and goes for the 1%, Bennett reverses to a roaring right hand and hits a spinebuster for 2. EC3 hits a flatliner and goes to the top rope, Bennett stops him and they trade shots on the top rope, Ec3 fights him off, and hits a top rope bodypress for 2. EC3 with a series of clotheslines and both men are down. Now they’re both up and trading punches, Bennett escapes a TKO attempt, EC3 gets him right back up and hits it on the second attempt. Bennett blocks the 1% and hits an Ace Crusher for 2. Maria slides a chair into the ring and Bennett nails EC3 with it, then does it again, then does it about a half dozen more times. He goes for a TKO, EC3 gets out and hits the 1% and makes a cover, but Maria stops the referee from counting to 3. Maria hightails it, and EC3 is pissed. He gets the chair, points at Maria, and uses the chair to absolutely destroy Bennett. EC3 chucks the chair to the floor waits for Bennett to get to his feet, and gets the Cobra Clutch. Bennett goes for the ropes, EC3 pulls him back to the middle, Bennett goes for the ropes again, EC3 pulls him back again, Bennett goes for the ropes a third time, and EC3 pulls him back with so much momentum that Bennett rolls backward over EC3’s shoulders and puts EC3 down for his first pinfall loss.
Winner: Mike Bennett
Excellent, excellent match, and made even better by the fact that this was a completely clean win. Great moment.
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